He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
