I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
