Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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