question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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