Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
