Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
