Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
