I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
