I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
