love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
