Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
