I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He felt like a one man threesome
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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