I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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