Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
