so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
this is an emotional support booty call
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
