Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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