My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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