I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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