Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
this hospital has no fireball
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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