craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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