She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
