I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
