On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
