Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
