You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're like a lot better than the average bears
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
