dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I look better un-naked...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
