It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
