Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This baby is an asshole
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
