i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
that may or may not have been my penis.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
