The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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