I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
