I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
