Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
