True but thats because hes a fetus.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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