U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
