Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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