i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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