So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
