i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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