Cold hands, warm shart.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
