Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
