If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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