My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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