This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This baby is an asshole
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
