$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
