Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
