It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
