This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
