Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
