butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Every concussion has its silver lining
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
