I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is wine microwaveable?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
