Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
