Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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