that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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