I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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