He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
