Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
