And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
